Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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