mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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