I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
