I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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