I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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