I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
