Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
