How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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