if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
