lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
