Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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