She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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