Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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