Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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