I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
