Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
