good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fill condoms, not promises.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
