let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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