my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
