2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
