I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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