This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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