if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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