Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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