I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
