I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this is an emotional support booty call
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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