I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
