So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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