Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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