The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
