please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
