I heard we made out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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