Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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