coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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