The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god it's open bar.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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