I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no, he came in my armpit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
