You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
