At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
did you just send me my own nude
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
