She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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