Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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