i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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