She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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