so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So. Much. Porn.
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