do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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