Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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