You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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