I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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