fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
