what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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