College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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