My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
