Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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