I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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