i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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