our cab driver is having phone sex.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
