Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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