i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
