oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
