Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
