Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
