Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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