I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
