...so i touched it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
