So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
