Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
