i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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