I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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