Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
