If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's blow job season.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
