There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
