Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
