i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
