girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
